Solid post. I was just reading this the other day, which is a specific instance of using "why are you there" productively, and acknowledging the larger framework you set out here.
You have 2 streams of broad thought going on the blogs - one personal, one philosophical. Both are valuable, and both are connected. I'm over here thinking whether one is a good gateway to the other, and IF so how to make that clear at a +1 SD level. Something for the mental hopper as you contemplate turning all of this into more lasting works.
That’s a good link. It’s correct. Female talking is about social exchange. Highly contextualized emotionally with all their non-verbal aura stuff. Understanding that basic lesson was utterly transformative. Anyone trying to level up has to habituate through disciplined repetition. Until it’s internalized. It’s how FTS-1 rewires base code and modifies personality to the extent we can. But it does work. To the point that mature Bandlings find reactions to the way-past-prime dad equal parts amusing, surprising & unsettling.
It’s a pleasure. I just need things to settle down some. I’m hopeful AI is going to help a lot for organizing when it has all my PDFs. It’s limited in ways but absurdly practical in others. Reword this for X prompts may be one way to get the vocabulary level. Content can be rewritten but level is something I struggle with. I can describe what picking up social patterns is but not how to do it. And the personal and philosophical are the same holistic thing. Splitting them coherently is another struggle.
Both yours and Joe's comments inspired me a bit - hope you don't mind. I took the post and spun it around in the Swaggins blender for a bit. I think it will make it easier for you to find the vocabulary level if you break it up and work within these sections - especially if you get an AI involved now.
With the information structured liked this, there is clearly the beginnings of the 'how to do it' part. Getting more granular into that should be easier to do now, if you wanted to go down that road.
Hope it inspires you in some way.
### **THEORY**
-Socialization is a topic that easily turns complex. But some points are very simple. Universal even.
-Perception as “high-status” or presenting high-status indicators is something that needs the eyes of others. You do/act, they judge/evaluate.
-Making them work on an individual level means adapting to your specific personality.
-ORR works because it notices things like [socially successful people achieve the same objective with different words]
-Impressions of status are all cold reads. Some markers are obvious (uncommonly good looks). Subtler indicators: Comportment and the other aura stuff.
-People want to know. To fit you in their private internal NPC Truman Shows.
-Societies are games. Giant immersive multiplayer worlds with endlessly nuanced rules that you have to learn as you play. Every culture is arbitrary, as in made up. But like any game, those made-up rules control your fate if you want to play.
-From one perspective it looks like monkeys capering for approval from strangers who couldn’t care less. Hence the game metaphor
-The question isn’t *is the social marker rational*?
-It’s *do I want to be perceived well in this society*? **If yes, understand the rules and the logical consistency that follows.
-My being there shows I understand the social order. Including where I fit in.
-Every social hierarchy you can access has a place for you in it. The question is recognizing it. And how to change it if unsatisfied.
-***When the entire social cachet of an event comes from its featured guests, a hierarchy is preset***.
aka When the entire reason an event is cool is because of who’s gonna be there, a hierarchy is present.
-the basic structure of {center of attention - facilitator - attendees]
### **STATUS**
-Status seems nebulous because it comes from a mix of individual markers and structural ones.
-One constant is arbitrary in/out markers that confer status (Access to VIP room at the club, permission to wear the purple hose at the royal nuptials).
-Individual presentation can be improved by habituating better patterns and making better choices.
-External placement based on things like birth, wealth, or fame.
-There can be pathways to raise one’s structural position - socio-economic class - in some contexts. But they take time and effort.
-Social ineptitude is precisely what high status circles filter out. How one communicates can carry more weight than what specifically.
-Non-verbally signalling *I don’t belong* in a socially unpleasant way tanks perceived status. When you don’t convey status in a socio-culture, it’s obvious to those who do.
-The final point then is ***consider the circumstances***. Socialization isn’t computer code. Hence the need to pay attention and build experience.
-In the bigger picture, when you take care of your appearance, composure and reserve becomes socially strategic. You shift the subconscious power as interest grows and you decide who to engage. Like a personal velvet rope that others choose to give.
Key Concept:
-Insecurity is subconscious poison for status impressions. Reserved composure is the opposite.
(Play with the wording where 'reserved composure' is given a positive association, then talk about 'insecurity' being the opposite of that. Subconscious poison is fantastic, keep that.)
### **TRAINING ADVICE**
-Composure in particular is way easier when the game is understood.
-Starting with never being insecure. If you’re invited, there’s a reason. You belong.
-And so can move to *why* you’re there. Reverse engineer.
What would a young up-and-coming band want from a small house afterparty?
- They obviously want a relatively chill vibe with fans around their age.
- The hosts were social operators with aspirations - delivering was critical for them..
- So anyone invited will be attractive, cool, and poised enough not to get weird around fame. Basically, quality background décor. Belonging, but as filler not a main event.
-Read and React is a process - you need to know enough about the socio-culture to draw the right conclusions from it. Not babbling provides time to learn, while eliminating cringe first impressions.
-If not directly engaged at a gathering, use the lack of distraction to take stock of what’s going on.
### **POSITIVE TRAITS**
-Composure and reserve are learnable behaviours.
-Part natural aura, part learned.
-But reserve and composure are status markers anywhere.
-Reserve shines here, especially if you’re attractive, charismatic, and / or carry yourself well. People want to know.
-Empathy and sympathy
-Have an instinct for when to speak up, how much to say, and when to listen.
-How the high status spoke was consistent with how they came off overall - they read as real, together, and confident.
-Some are more naturally composed than others, but basic composure is one of those things anyone can improve.
-Silence is powerful even after you’ve read the room.
-Impressions of comfort, even mastery
-Confidence and humility come from self and situational awareness in harmony. And are what reserve and composure portray.
-There’s power also in ending a conversation. But for guys chatting with someone they’re attracted to, don’t be afraid to break it off. Especially if she’s high-SMV. Think about next time.
-Standing out for self-possession beats lingering like a needy babbler.
-Keeping it close to the vest separates you from the performers, poseurs, strivers, try-hards,
-But if you do find yourself in a high-value conversation, don’t suddenly start acting different. Especially not in bizarre or contrived ways.
-There’s no rush, and self-possession can be magnetic. Comfort, confidence, belonging are all signs of status.
### **NEGATIVE TRAITS**
-***Low status posturers don’t realize how transparent they are***.
-Insecurity is subconscious poison for status impressions.
-Like not running your mouth unless specifically called on by circumstance.
-having nothing to contribute at all
-Forced acting creates unwanted impressions of fakeness or inauthenticity.
-Prattling - gossip, windbag, shrew, etc. Obnoxious, presumptuous, and *low class* in the general conduct sense. To the blatherer, it’s not a problem. They don’t see it.
-Empathy and sympathy are either absent - boors and gossips - or overridden by juvenile excitement. Which can quickly become butthurt when brushed off.
But there’s no learning without listening. And no listening with lips a-flapping.
-Babbling suggests nervousness or a need to prove oneself.
-Awkward signs of not belonging.
-This applies to a common way guys “blow it” socially with attractive women as well as VIPs.. It’s catching enough interest for real conversation ***then*** devolving into babble.
-Inappropriately talkative is such a status killer because it knocks out reserve and composure.
-Signaling either inconsiderate lack of social awareness or out-of-depth nervousness.
-Blathering and fronting make it more so. And try-hards really don’t fathom how irritating they are. To say nothing of those low-status vortices of sadness where try-hards try hard to out try-hard each other.
### **POSER FLUSH OUT**
-Few things flush out low-status posers in small-time settings like meeting actual fame or achievement.
-inappropriate talkativeness - blathering on like a dork fanboy.
-transparent posturing - either “impressing” or exaggeratingly acting unimpressed.
-Both are irritating and fool no one.
### **ON BEING COOL**
-I spent the bulk of my night in a fairly intense conversation with one of the band members
-He did most of the talking - I mainly answered questions and asked my own.
-No gushing no posturing. Composed reserve. Status markers of someone worth talking to when you have choices.
-I thought talking with the band guy was cool. He was responsive, so I stayed engaged to its natural end. By continuing to be what I appeared to be - what he had chosen to talk to.
-An apex status person is talking to you because they want to.
-if you’re the appealing option at the moment, keep being that. Reserved composure.
-He’s the one who pulls the plug. And when the conversation was over, it was over. I got a story and a pebble for the local notoriety mosaic, not a pal in a band.
### **SSH**
Consider the archetypes. Strong silent type. A man of few words, but when he talks everyone listens. Straight shooter. In SSH terms, high Deltas can be very taciturn. Alphas dominate gatherings but don’t babble. Contrast with low Deltas blathering about task-specific minutia, Gammas smart-boying, & wall o’ texting, or Omagas unable to stop when someone showed interest.
That’s a thorough breakdown. It looks like the main points are all there. I just can’t see when a formation is clear and when it drifts into difficult to grasp. Part of the problem is the size of manageable data field. The move from holistic to linear limits what can be seen at once. I’ve had the problem going the other way breaking down Chris Langan’s reality theory. I can’t hold all the pieces at once the way he can and had to rely on notes and indices as I went.
I don’t think there’s a way around without so Rome who can reword. AI will help. It can already [reword for a kind of slow freshman] but needs to be checked for distortion through oversimplification or outright hallucinating.
"If you’re invited, there’s a reason. You belong. And so can move to why you’re there. Reverse engineer. What would a young up-and-coming band want from a small house afterparty?"
I have learned to ask myself such questions. I think such questioning, if not developed by the individual on their own, can be learned, especially if you have frequent opportunities to practice in real situations, and have feedback sessions with a coach/mentor. Needless to say, I did not have such habits, nor coach/mentor when was at college.
Solid post. I was just reading this the other day, which is a specific instance of using "why are you there" productively, and acknowledging the larger framework you set out here.
https://archwinger.substack.com/p/talking-is-for-women-conversations
You have 2 streams of broad thought going on the blogs - one personal, one philosophical. Both are valuable, and both are connected. I'm over here thinking whether one is a good gateway to the other, and IF so how to make that clear at a +1 SD level. Something for the mental hopper as you contemplate turning all of this into more lasting works.
Thanks for all you do.
That’s a good link. It’s correct. Female talking is about social exchange. Highly contextualized emotionally with all their non-verbal aura stuff. Understanding that basic lesson was utterly transformative. Anyone trying to level up has to habituate through disciplined repetition. Until it’s internalized. It’s how FTS-1 rewires base code and modifies personality to the extent we can. But it does work. To the point that mature Bandlings find reactions to the way-past-prime dad equal parts amusing, surprising & unsettling.
It’s a pleasure. I just need things to settle down some. I’m hopeful AI is going to help a lot for organizing when it has all my PDFs. It’s limited in ways but absurdly practical in others. Reword this for X prompts may be one way to get the vocabulary level. Content can be rewritten but level is something I struggle with. I can describe what picking up social patterns is but not how to do it. And the personal and philosophical are the same holistic thing. Splitting them coherently is another struggle.
Both yours and Joe's comments inspired me a bit - hope you don't mind. I took the post and spun it around in the Swaggins blender for a bit. I think it will make it easier for you to find the vocabulary level if you break it up and work within these sections - especially if you get an AI involved now.
With the information structured liked this, there is clearly the beginnings of the 'how to do it' part. Getting more granular into that should be easier to do now, if you wanted to go down that road.
Hope it inspires you in some way.
### **THEORY**
-Socialization is a topic that easily turns complex. But some points are very simple. Universal even.
-Perception as “high-status” or presenting high-status indicators is something that needs the eyes of others. You do/act, they judge/evaluate.
-Making them work on an individual level means adapting to your specific personality.
-ORR works because it notices things like [socially successful people achieve the same objective with different words]
-Impressions of status are all cold reads. Some markers are obvious (uncommonly good looks). Subtler indicators: Comportment and the other aura stuff.
-People want to know. To fit you in their private internal NPC Truman Shows.
-Societies are games. Giant immersive multiplayer worlds with endlessly nuanced rules that you have to learn as you play. Every culture is arbitrary, as in made up. But like any game, those made-up rules control your fate if you want to play.
-From one perspective it looks like monkeys capering for approval from strangers who couldn’t care less. Hence the game metaphor
-The question isn’t *is the social marker rational*?
-It’s *do I want to be perceived well in this society*? **If yes, understand the rules and the logical consistency that follows.
-My being there shows I understand the social order. Including where I fit in.
-Every social hierarchy you can access has a place for you in it. The question is recognizing it. And how to change it if unsatisfied.
-***When the entire social cachet of an event comes from its featured guests, a hierarchy is preset***.
aka When the entire reason an event is cool is because of who’s gonna be there, a hierarchy is present.
-the basic structure of {center of attention - facilitator - attendees]
### **STATUS**
-Status seems nebulous because it comes from a mix of individual markers and structural ones.
-One constant is arbitrary in/out markers that confer status (Access to VIP room at the club, permission to wear the purple hose at the royal nuptials).
-Individual presentation can be improved by habituating better patterns and making better choices.
-External placement based on things like birth, wealth, or fame.
-There can be pathways to raise one’s structural position - socio-economic class - in some contexts. But they take time and effort.
-Social ineptitude is precisely what high status circles filter out. How one communicates can carry more weight than what specifically.
-Non-verbally signalling *I don’t belong* in a socially unpleasant way tanks perceived status. When you don’t convey status in a socio-culture, it’s obvious to those who do.
-The final point then is ***consider the circumstances***. Socialization isn’t computer code. Hence the need to pay attention and build experience.
-In the bigger picture, when you take care of your appearance, composure and reserve becomes socially strategic. You shift the subconscious power as interest grows and you decide who to engage. Like a personal velvet rope that others choose to give.
Key Concept:
-Insecurity is subconscious poison for status impressions. Reserved composure is the opposite.
(Play with the wording where 'reserved composure' is given a positive association, then talk about 'insecurity' being the opposite of that. Subconscious poison is fantastic, keep that.)
### **TRAINING ADVICE**
-Composure in particular is way easier when the game is understood.
-Starting with never being insecure. If you’re invited, there’s a reason. You belong.
-And so can move to *why* you’re there. Reverse engineer.
What would a young up-and-coming band want from a small house afterparty?
- They obviously want a relatively chill vibe with fans around their age.
- The hosts were social operators with aspirations - delivering was critical for them..
- So anyone invited will be attractive, cool, and poised enough not to get weird around fame. Basically, quality background décor. Belonging, but as filler not a main event.
-Read and React is a process - you need to know enough about the socio-culture to draw the right conclusions from it. Not babbling provides time to learn, while eliminating cringe first impressions.
-If not directly engaged at a gathering, use the lack of distraction to take stock of what’s going on.
### **POSITIVE TRAITS**
-Composure and reserve are learnable behaviours.
-Part natural aura, part learned.
-But reserve and composure are status markers anywhere.
-Reserve shines here, especially if you’re attractive, charismatic, and / or carry yourself well. People want to know.
-Empathy and sympathy
-Have an instinct for when to speak up, how much to say, and when to listen.
-How the high status spoke was consistent with how they came off overall - they read as real, together, and confident.
-Some are more naturally composed than others, but basic composure is one of those things anyone can improve.
-Silence is powerful even after you’ve read the room.
-Impressions of comfort, even mastery
-Confidence and humility come from self and situational awareness in harmony. And are what reserve and composure portray.
-There’s power also in ending a conversation. But for guys chatting with someone they’re attracted to, don’t be afraid to break it off. Especially if she’s high-SMV. Think about next time.
-Standing out for self-possession beats lingering like a needy babbler.
-Keeping it close to the vest separates you from the performers, poseurs, strivers, try-hards,
-But if you do find yourself in a high-value conversation, don’t suddenly start acting different. Especially not in bizarre or contrived ways.
-There’s no rush, and self-possession can be magnetic. Comfort, confidence, belonging are all signs of status.
### **NEGATIVE TRAITS**
-***Low status posturers don’t realize how transparent they are***.
-Insecurity is subconscious poison for status impressions.
-Like not running your mouth unless specifically called on by circumstance.
-having nothing to contribute at all
-Forced acting creates unwanted impressions of fakeness or inauthenticity.
-Prattling - gossip, windbag, shrew, etc. Obnoxious, presumptuous, and *low class* in the general conduct sense. To the blatherer, it’s not a problem. They don’t see it.
-Empathy and sympathy are either absent - boors and gossips - or overridden by juvenile excitement. Which can quickly become butthurt when brushed off.
But there’s no learning without listening. And no listening with lips a-flapping.
-Babbling suggests nervousness or a need to prove oneself.
-Awkward signs of not belonging.
-This applies to a common way guys “blow it” socially with attractive women as well as VIPs.. It’s catching enough interest for real conversation ***then*** devolving into babble.
-Inappropriately talkative is such a status killer because it knocks out reserve and composure.
-Signaling either inconsiderate lack of social awareness or out-of-depth nervousness.
-Blathering and fronting make it more so. And try-hards really don’t fathom how irritating they are. To say nothing of those low-status vortices of sadness where try-hards try hard to out try-hard each other.
### **POSER FLUSH OUT**
-Few things flush out low-status posers in small-time settings like meeting actual fame or achievement.
-inappropriate talkativeness - blathering on like a dork fanboy.
-transparent posturing - either “impressing” or exaggeratingly acting unimpressed.
-Both are irritating and fool no one.
### **ON BEING COOL**
-I spent the bulk of my night in a fairly intense conversation with one of the band members
-He did most of the talking - I mainly answered questions and asked my own.
-No gushing no posturing. Composed reserve. Status markers of someone worth talking to when you have choices.
-I thought talking with the band guy was cool. He was responsive, so I stayed engaged to its natural end. By continuing to be what I appeared to be - what he had chosen to talk to.
-An apex status person is talking to you because they want to.
-if you’re the appealing option at the moment, keep being that. Reserved composure.
-He’s the one who pulls the plug. And when the conversation was over, it was over. I got a story and a pebble for the local notoriety mosaic, not a pal in a band.
### **SSH**
Consider the archetypes. Strong silent type. A man of few words, but when he talks everyone listens. Straight shooter. In SSH terms, high Deltas can be very taciturn. Alphas dominate gatherings but don’t babble. Contrast with low Deltas blathering about task-specific minutia, Gammas smart-boying, & wall o’ texting, or Omagas unable to stop when someone showed interest.
That’s a thorough breakdown. It looks like the main points are all there. I just can’t see when a formation is clear and when it drifts into difficult to grasp. Part of the problem is the size of manageable data field. The move from holistic to linear limits what can be seen at once. I’ve had the problem going the other way breaking down Chris Langan’s reality theory. I can’t hold all the pieces at once the way he can and had to rely on notes and indices as I went.
I don’t think there’s a way around without so Rome who can reword. AI will help. It can already [reword for a kind of slow freshman] but needs to be checked for distortion through oversimplification or outright hallucinating.
Great post. Really perceptive and expressed clearly and vividly. Thank you.
"If you’re invited, there’s a reason. You belong. And so can move to why you’re there. Reverse engineer. What would a young up-and-coming band want from a small house afterparty?"
I have learned to ask myself such questions. I think such questioning, if not developed by the individual on their own, can be learned, especially if you have frequent opportunities to practice in real situations, and have feedback sessions with a coach/mentor. Needless to say, I did not have such habits, nor coach/mentor when was at college.