The gamma's need to protect the delusion at all costs leads to so much unnecessary failure and pain. Watching it happen, or participating in it, goes from amusing to tedious to heartbreaking, depending on the relationship. I have a close family member like this. He once decided to challenge me to a running race, declaring that he would "smoke me", and ignoring the fact that I was the fastest sprinter on the track team back in the day. As soon as I pulled ahead of him, the "Ow! My trick kneeee!" started. He never challenged me in running again, but neither did he learn anything from it, other than Avoid-The-Trigger-That-Threatens-My-Delusion.
My aim with this family member is to always tell him the truth, however unpalatable. I love him enough to not lie to him, even if it hurts in the moment. Others mostly just cater to the delusion. He both hates me for it and seeks my approval constantly, once even begging me to tell the easy lie rather than be truthful. It is truly awful.
Vox’ coining of delusion bubble is pitch perfect because in the moment they believe it. Or convince themselves they do to the extent there’s no functional difference. It’s where the legit shock and dismay that precedes seeking the out comes from. Then NPC kicks in and they reset to base code unless the experience was painful enough as with your relative.
At the time, I wasn’t that sophisticated. I just saw the opportunity to crush this guy to the point of not having to deal with him again appear by chance, and took it.
The resetting to base code is fascinating to watch in real time. My children call it "reset to factory defaults". The family member withdraws, emotionally and physically, for a few minutes, and then it's as though the incident never happened. Even if there was crying, raging or explosive temper, it's all back to normal.
When the experience is painful enough, the person puts up a sort of emotional shield, never venturing into the same situation, but never addressing it either. It's just Off The List forever and anon.
Crushing is really the only way to deal with such people. Otherwise they'll keep ankle-biting and trying to find other sneak attacks to undermine you. Up to and including poisoning or whatever if sufficiently motivated.
The gamma's need to protect the delusion at all costs leads to so much unnecessary failure and pain. Watching it happen, or participating in it, goes from amusing to tedious to heartbreaking, depending on the relationship. I have a close family member like this. He once decided to challenge me to a running race, declaring that he would "smoke me", and ignoring the fact that I was the fastest sprinter on the track team back in the day. As soon as I pulled ahead of him, the "Ow! My trick kneeee!" started. He never challenged me in running again, but neither did he learn anything from it, other than Avoid-The-Trigger-That-Threatens-My-Delusion.
My aim with this family member is to always tell him the truth, however unpalatable. I love him enough to not lie to him, even if it hurts in the moment. Others mostly just cater to the delusion. He both hates me for it and seeks my approval constantly, once even begging me to tell the easy lie rather than be truthful. It is truly awful.
Vox’ coining of delusion bubble is pitch perfect because in the moment they believe it. Or convince themselves they do to the extent there’s no functional difference. It’s where the legit shock and dismay that precedes seeking the out comes from. Then NPC kicks in and they reset to base code unless the experience was painful enough as with your relative.
At the time, I wasn’t that sophisticated. I just saw the opportunity to crush this guy to the point of not having to deal with him again appear by chance, and took it.
The resetting to base code is fascinating to watch in real time. My children call it "reset to factory defaults". The family member withdraws, emotionally and physically, for a few minutes, and then it's as though the incident never happened. Even if there was crying, raging or explosive temper, it's all back to normal.
When the experience is painful enough, the person puts up a sort of emotional shield, never venturing into the same situation, but never addressing it either. It's just Off The List forever and anon.
Crushing is really the only way to deal with such people. Otherwise they'll keep ankle-biting and trying to find other sneak attacks to undermine you. Up to and including poisoning or whatever if sufficiently motivated.